What to do when leadership feels lonely
September 22, 2026
Four questions every leader needs to ask themselves – and answer honestly
We’ve all heard the phrase: “it’s lonely at the top.”
And Gallup research* backs it up: senior leaders score significantly higher on loneliness than the people they lead.
Now, I’ll be honest: in my role as CEO of Yum! Brands, I didn’t feel particularly lonely. But I have spoken with many great leaders who have genuinely struggled with it.
In part, I think it’s inherent in the job. You aren’t the same as everybody else on the team. You face different pressures, responsibilities, and concerns. That sense of separation is healthy in a lot of ways, but it can also feel pretty lonely.
And if it goes unchecked, it will affect your ability to lead well.
If you’ve ever felt a little lonely at the top, here are four questions that can help you explore where that feeling may be coming from. Once you pinpoint that, you can understand it, manage it, and ultimately start feeling more connected to the people you lead.
Are you showing up as yourself?
Inauthenticity is one of the most overlooked causes of loneliness
A common struggle I hear from leaders, especially new ones, is that they feel like they have to “act the part” of a leader.
They’ve got some mental picture of what a good leader is, and they expend a lot of energy managing that image. They perform a version of leadership that they think is expected of them. And they keep the real version of themselves tucked away.
That’s exhausting. And it’s inherently isolating. After all, you can’t truly connect with people when you’re not really showing up as yourself.
If leadership feels lonely, ask yourself honestly: am I being authentic? Do the people around me know who I actually am? That’s where genuine connection starts. You can’t build real relationships around a persona.
Are you isolating yourself?
It’s easy to get busy and keep your head down instead of getting out and about
For some leaders, loneliness feels like isolation. They feel disconnected from the rest of their team, working hard ON the business without ever really feeling like they’re a true part of it.
But sometimes, we let that isolation happen. We get busy and keep our heads down. We make less time to walk the halls or make site visits. We bounce from meeting to meeting with no margin for actual human connection.
I loved what Alan Shaw, former President and CEO of Norfolk Southern, told me when I asked him if he ever felt lonely as CEO: “I really don’t find it lonely at the top, because I’ve got 20,000 employees who are out there, willing to help.” Alan makes a point of getting out into the field, holding town halls, talking to customers, and staying accessible to the people around him.
By making that connection a part of his job, he never feels isolated. Plus, he learns a lot more about what’s really happening in his company.
If you’re feeling isolated, ask yourself: am I making connection a priority? Get out of the building. Show up where your people are. It may mean you need to delegate some tasks that are keeping you too desk-bound, but the more you make your job about connection, the more effective you’ll be – and the less alone you’ll feel.
Are you involving others in your biggest decisions?
The weight of making the final call is real, but it doesn’t have to feel so heavy
Sometimes you feel lonely as a leader because a final decision comes down to you and you alone.
And the weight of those big decisions is real. I certainly experienced that in my time at Yum! Brands, because I felt a deep sense of accountability to get those decisions right and take the company to the next level.
But here’s what I learned: the weight of those decisions feels a lot lighter when you’ve brought people into the process with you. By taking the time to listen, get input, and think through big decisions with my team, I never felt like I was making any decision alone.
If the weight of big decisions feels isolating, try this: bring people in earlier. Ask for input before you’ve landed anywhere. Think out loud with your team. You’ll still own the final call, but you won’t feel like you made it alone. And you’ll discover the best part of all: when you give people the opportunity to weigh in on a decision, they’ll execute it with a lot more ownership.
Are you investing in a larger network?
Every leader needs support – but you may have to look a little harder for it
In any leadership role, there are things you just can’t talk about with the people who report to you – personnel decisions, strategic uncertainty, and more.
That’s just the nature of the role, and no amount of connection or collaboration will change it.
Carol Tomé, CEO of UPS, was so refreshingly candid with me about this. “It’s really, really lonely,” she told me. “I was always like a member of staff, right? And now I walk out and nobody’s walking out with me.”
That’s why she has intentionally built a support network: a spouse who serves as a sounding board, a small circle of close friends she calls her “personal board,” and peer CEO groups where she can talk through challenges.
The takeaway is simple: find your people. You may need to look outside the building, but there are former colleagues, peer leaders, mentors, and professional groups full of people who understand the weight of the role and can speak honestly into it.
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Yes, leadership can be lonely. But great leaders don’t accept that as inevitable. Instead, they get curious about where it’s coming from.
And here’s what I find encouraging: the things that help most with loneliness also make you a more collaborative and connected leader.
Showing up authentically, staying connected to your people, involving others in big decisions, and building a strong network are wise moves for any leader, regardless of how lonely they feel.
So what do you think? Is it “lonely at the top?” What’s helped you feel more connected as a leader? Comment and share what you’ve learned!