New manager? Here are four ways to lead with clarity, confidence, and connection
You’ve just been promoted, and it’s a huge moment for your career.
But it also feels complicated.
The people you grabbed lunch with last week are now reporting to you. And your job is to directthe crew, not just meet up with them for happy hour.
If that sounds awkward, that’s because it is!
And yet this shift from peer to leader is one of the most common transitions in business.
It’s one of the most critical, too. Get it right, and you build trust, shape culture, and prove you’re ready to lead.
Get it wrong, and things can go sideways—fast.
In fact, research shows that 60% of new managers said they received no training when they moved into their leadership role.
That’s why I took note when Chipotle CEO Scott Boatwright told me about their “Buddy to Boss” program on How Leaders Lead. It’s designed to help new managers make the transition with confidence and avoid the common mistakes that trip up so many.
I love how they’re tackling a challenge more leaders need to talk about: How do you lead well when you’ve just become the boss of your former peers?
It’s not easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest transitions you’ll ever make as a leader. But it can also be one of the most rewarding.
So whether you’re stepping into this shift yourself or coaching someone who is, today I want to share four tips to help you get it right.
1. Acknowledge the shift in your relationships
When you step into a leadership role, your relationships with former peers have to change.
This is one of the hardest parts for new leaders, because the shift doesn’t just happen on the org chart. It happens in your social life too.
Can you still grab lunch? What happens to those texts during meetings? Can you still vent, laugh, and connect the way you used to?
The answer isn’t “no.” But it may not be “yes” in the same way, either.
Some new managers try to act like nothing has changed. Others swing too far in the other direction, distancing themselves in the name of professionalism. But the best approach lies in the middle.
You don’t have to erase the connection. In fact, that connection can become one of your greatest strengths as a leader.
You already know how your teammates think. You understand their strengths. You care about their success. That’s not a liability. It’s a head start.
The key is being honest about the new dynamic and setting clear expectations. Your team needs to know they can still trust you. But they also need to see that you’re ready to lead.
🛠️ Try this: Use your early 1:1s to name the transition. Let them know you value your relationship, and that you want to build a working partnership rooted in trust, respect, and fairness. Ask what they need from you, and share what you’ll expect from them.
🎥 LEADERSHIP & FRIENDSHIP: Rory McIlroy on how he navigates working with friends [Watch the clip]
2. Let go of the need to be liked
Let’s be honest: It feels good to be liked. But leadership isn’t a popularity contest.
If you avoid giving feedback because you’re afraid to rock the boat, or if you let underperformance slide to keep things “cool,” you’re not helping your team. In fact, you’re hurting it.
Harvard Business Review found that managers who prioritize likability over clarity often create longer-term dysfunction. Why? Because people crave feedback, direction, and fairness, even when it’s hard to hear.
Being a leader people like doesn’t come from always saying “yes.” It comes from saying what needs to be said (with kindness, of course).
🛠️ Try this: When a tough conversation is needed, ask: What does this person need to hear to succeed? Leading with service reframes the moment and helps you lead with integrity, not insecurity.
🎥 FEEDBACK WITHOUT FEAR: Yum! CEO David Gibbs on leading when being liked isn’t the goal [Watch the clip]
3. Don’t be “the boss.” Be the coach.
Being “the boss” sounds intimidating. You might picture someone who’s supposed to have all the answers, hand out orders, and carry the weight of every decision.
No wonder the role feels overwhelming.
But here’s the truth: great leaders aren’t trying to be bosses. They’re trying to be coaches.
A coach sees strengths. They give feedback. They develop people. And they hold a bigger vision for the team, even when the team can’t yet see it themselves.
That’s the job now.
This mindset shift can be a relief. You don’t have to dominate the room or know everything. But you do have to care deeply about helping others succeed and take responsibility for lifting the whole team.
The best part? This “coach” mindset isn’t just useful early on. It’s a leadership approach you can carry with you through every stage of your career.
🛠️ Try this: Pay attention to the moments when someone on your team shines. Call it out. Give specific encouragement. Then ask: What would help you build on that strength? That question alone signals that you’re developing people, not just managing tasks.
🎥 LESSONS FROM A MISSTEP: UPS CEO Carol Tomé on what she got wrong early in her leadership journey—and how it shaped her coaching mindset [Watch the clip]
4. Step into your own growth
Your promotion comes with a new title. But it’s also a new responsibility.
Your role now includes setting culture, shaping performance, and modeling what good leadership looks like. And that’s not something most people just know how to do. It’s something you have to learn.
But remember, leadership is a skill. And like any skill, it can be developed. But only if you treat your growth as essential, not optional.
Read books. Listen to leadership podcasts. (I happen to know a great one!) Ask better leaders how they think. Surround yourself with wisdom and input. Just like you’d train for a new technical skill, you need to train for this one.
The good news is, even though you’re learning, you don’t need to have all the answers. It just means you need to stay curious, humble, and committed to developing yourself.
🛠️ Try this: Talk to your own supervisor. Ask, “What do you wish someone had told you when you were first promoted?” You’ll likely walk away with perspective and a new level of connection.
🎥 GROWTH AT EVERY LEVEL: Whoop CEO Will Ahmed on why great leaders are always in development mode. [Watch the clip]
Yes, this shift can be awkward. But it’s also one of the best moments in your career.
This is when your job stops being about what you can achieve and starts being about what you can help others achieve.
When you embrace that change with humility, clarity, and curiosity, you don’t just earn a new title. You earn trust. And you earn the chance to accomplish something great with the people around you.
That’s what great leadership is all about.
Have you made this transition yourself? Or are you supporting someone who is? Drop a comment below with what you wish you’d known about leading your peers, or tag a new manager who could use a confidence boost this week.