And what to say instead if you want to build trust and actually get things done
Here’s a stat that should get your attention: Nearly half of employees say meetings are their biggest waste of time at work.
That’s a problem. Because as a leader, meetings are one of your most powerful tools. They’re where you align your team, make decisions, solve problems, and move work forward.
But they’re also where you can lose your team’s trust and respect.
Here’s the good news: small changes in the language you use during meetings can make a big difference in how well your meetings run.
So today, I’m sharing ten phrases you should stop using in meetings—and what to say instead.
1. STARTING MEETINGS
Don’t say: “Welcome everyone, let’s get started.”
Say this instead: “Here’s what we need to decide today and why it matters.”
Skip the vague introduction and set a focused tone right from the beginning. When everyone in the room is clear about what needs to be done in your time together, they’ll contribute at a higher level, and they’ll know their time is valuable and respected.
2. ASKING FOR UPDATES
Don’t say: “Give me a quick update on the project.”
Say this instead: “Where are we on timeline and budget? What’s blocking you?”
Asking for a “quick update” invites people to ramble or gloss over real issues. Instead, ask specific questions. That gets you the information you need and signals that you’re there to help, not just to check off a box on the agenda.
3. ADDRESSING ISSUES
Don’t say: “Who dropped the ball?”
Say this instead: “Walk me through what happened. Where did things get off track?”
When you lead with blame, people get defensive. But when you lead with curiosity, you get the truth. Asking people to walk you through the situation helps you understand the real breakdown. It shows your team that you care more about solving problems than pointing fingers. From there, you can address individual performance issues in private, which is where they’re best handled anyway.
4. WHEN THE CONVERSATION VEERS OFF TOPIC
Don’t say: “That’s not what we’re here to discuss.”
Say this instead: “That’s important—I’m making a note to revisit it.”
Side conversations are going to happen. They’re not the problem. The problem is when you either shut them down too harshly or let them take over the whole meeting. Instead, acknowledge the idea, make a note of it, and bring the group back to the topic at hand. That way, people feel heard, and you still stay on track.
5. WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW
Don’t say: Something vague or incorrect
Say this instead: “I don’t know, but I’ll find out by [date] and let you know.”
It’s tempting to BS your way through a question when you don’t know the answer. You’re the leader, after all — aren’t you supposed to know? But when you give vague or incorrect information just to fill the silence, you lose credibility. Admit you don’t know, then commit to finding out and following up.
6. WHEN SOMEONE’S GETTING HEATED
Don’t say: “Calm down.”
Say this instead: “I can tell this matters to you. Take a deep breath, then help me understand why.”
Telling someone to “calm down” has never once made anyone calm down. It feels dismissive and usually makes things worse. So when tempers run high, try this instead: acknowledge what your team member is feeling while also giving them space to regroup and approach things rationally. You’ll get to the root of the issue faster—and they’ll actually feel heard.
7. WHEN TWO PEOPLE ARE DISAGREEING
Don’t say: “Let’s just agree to disagree.”
Say this instead: “Keep going—I want to hear both sides of this.”
“Agree to disagree” might sound like diplomacy, but sometimes, it’s just a way of avoiding something hard – and often, something important. Shutting down the conversation at the first sign of disagreement will keep people from speaking up. As long as everyone is being professional, let the disagreement unfold. That back and forth will help you fully vet your ideas and come out with the best possible solution.
8. INVITING PARTICIPATION
Don’t say: “Does anyone have thoughts?”
Say this instead: “[Name], you worked on something similar last year—what’s your take?”
Open-ended invitations like “Does anyone have thoughts” usually get answered by the same people who have already been sharing plenty of their thoughts. Calling on someone specific—with context for why their perspective matters—brings new voices into the conversation and makes sure everyone is heard.
9. WHEN YOU ASK A QUESTION AND HEAR NOTHING
Don’t say: “Do we all agree?”
Say this instead: “I’m seeing nods but hearing quiet. Who disagrees or has questions?”
Silence doesn’t always mean agreement. It can often signal confusion, hesitation, or fear of looking stupid. Name the silence and explicitly invite questions or doubters into the conversation. That’s often all it takes to open up honest dialogue.
10. WRAPPING THINGS UP
Don’t say: “Great discussion, everyone!”
Say this instead: “Here’s what I heard we’re committing to.”
If you had a meeting without clear next steps, you didn’t really have a meeting. You just had a conversation. State the commitments out loud, assign owners, and set deadlines. That’s how you turn talk into action and ensure that you make real progress on the goal you started your meeting talking about.
—
If you’re a leader who dreads meetings, I get it. They can feel like a drain on your time. Like they pull you away from “real work.”
But Patrick Lencioni told me something that changed how I think about this:
“Meetings are the playing field of business. When leaders say ‘I don’t like meetings,’ that’s like Tom Brady saying, ‘I never really liked those games, but football was pretty fun.’”
Meetings are the work. They’re where you align your team, make decisions, resolve conflict, and build trust. And the way you run them reveals everything about you as a leader.
So if your meetings aren’t working, reflect on why. Look at the small things. The language you use. The questions you ask. How you handle disagreement or conflict.
Those small moments are the difference between meetings that waste time and meetings that move your team forward.
Which of these will you put into practice? Drop a comment and let me know – or share your favorite tip for holding meetings so we can all learn from you!
Source: https://softwarefinder.com/resources/productivity-cost
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